I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Text me some of your sweat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
