matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
