I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
