we have officially lost it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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