You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
