All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
