You really coming over, don't trick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
