My liver just broke up with me...
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
