CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
