I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
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