she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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