so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
