They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
