Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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