have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
