You just made me feel so damn special
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
