her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
