is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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