Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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