So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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