I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
