just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And then my night got REAL pukey
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize