When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
