its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove