The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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