Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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