Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
