I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She told me I should be a condom model.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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