just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
