Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
