Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
