Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
