Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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