So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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