this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she peed on how many people?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
