Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
