Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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