I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
