mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
