I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
