It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
