worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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