I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
