honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
