Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
