Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
