You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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