Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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