Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
