i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's blow job season.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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