I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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