we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
