My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
