just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
