laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
