Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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