sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
