1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize