Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
