I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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