I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
there is glitter all over my balls
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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