You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
