when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize