Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
