I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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