Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
