oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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