I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
