no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
